the inch of grass in his heart
by betty

the inch of grass in his heart

betty

Summary

Jin Guangyao thinks that, in another life, he would have been an excellent merchant. He is not so foolish as to commit certain things to written record, but in his mind, there exists a ledger. Considerations behind every action, what he has risked, and what he has gained. People who are beholden to him, people who fear him, people who want what only he can provide. People who want him.

Notes

Titile is from Wanderer's Song by Meng Jiao, translated by A. C. Graham. If you want to look for more Meng Jiao online (he has a very JGY vibe, to me), it's often "Meng Chiao" using Wade-Giles.

Warnings: Like, generally JGY being JGY about sexual ethics, but specifically the XY/JGY is only saved from being full-on non-con by the fact that both parties are smug about it afterward.

IDK, kids, don't let JGY be your guide to decision-making in any realm! Also, if you're actually kids, ask an adult you trust if you should really be reading this.

Imported from Archive of Our Own. Original work id: 25732186.

Chapter One

Jin Guangyao thinks that, in another life, he would have been an excellent merchant. He is not so foolish as to commit certain things to written record, but in his mind, there exists a ledger. Considerations behind every action, what he has risked, and what he has gained. People who are beholden to him, people who fear him, people who want what only he can provide. People who want him.

him

He knows many people who think it is just him following his mother, but in reality, his approach is the opposite. Meng Shi was made weak by her love, and made powerless by the men who used her body. Jin Guangyao does not use his body for any man without a strategic reason. He is not susceptible to love. (This is a lie.) He chooses, he decides: what will it gain him? Is there a reward?

He had decided that Nie Mingjue was worth fucking to help him secure his place in the Nie Clan. Everyone already thought he was sucking the sect-leader’s cock; he already had the reputation, he might as well gain the advantages. Nie Mingjue seemed the sort of man who was hard-hearted until he wasn’t. He thought that showing Nie Mingjue his soft underbelly would make him protective, give him preferment. But when he looked at Chifeng-zun from under lowered lashes, he didn’t look uneasy, which he could work with, but angry, which gave him pause. He thought he could still make Nie Mingjue fuck him, but he didn’t think it would make the sect leader like him better. He never tried again.

When he was in Qishan Wen, he had never considered arranging to have Wen Ruohan think of him that way. Sect-leader Wen was a simple man who only thought of people in terms of his subjugation of them. So long as Jin Guangyao bowed and scraped and cringed, there was nothing additional to be gained by letting him use his mouth.

Wen Zhuliu was another matter. Wen Zhuliu was as devoted as a dog to Wen Ruohan, and furthermore regarded Jin Guangyao with suspicion for his inconstant loyalties. Wen Zhuliu was a problem that Jin Guangyao considered carefully. It was impossible to convince Wen Zhuliu of his character, so instead he arranged for Wen Zhuliu to observe him on his knees for Wen Xu. This was largely successful; Wen Zhuliu thought he was investing in Wen Ruohan’s heir as security for the future and worried about him only as much as he might worry about any self-interested courtier, and Wen Xu became slightly more tolerant of Jin Guangyao’s access to Wen Ruohan. He did have to continue letting Wen Xu have him, but it was only for a short time until he was sent to Cloud Recesses.

(Cloud Recesses)

(Rescuing Lan Xichen was—)

(Xichen)

Afterward, when he had what he wanted from Jin Guangshang; a name, a place, (respect) responsibilities, it became important that people didn’t think about him that way. Jin Guangshang fucking his way across the cultivation world was poor manners, but a sign of his power. In him, though, it would be a sign of his weakness.

He thought about it, though. He thought about how he could lead Chifeng-zun to sublimate his anger at him into something else, something Jin Guangyao could control and shape, something he could make Nie Mingjue want. Make Nie Mingjue ashamed of. It was too risky, though; Nie Mingjue was not known for his subtlety and liable to let something slip, and he couldn’t let that be his reputation.

What his reputation needed was solidity, stability, filial piety. A marriage, an heir, was merely duty toward Lanling Jin.

(Qin Su.)

(Qin Su, holding his hand. Looking him shyly in the eyes. Smiling.)

(He had never, with a woman. It was like he was a virgin, along with her, discovering together what their bodies could do.)

It became… difficult. After he knew. But it clarified his feelings toward Jin Guangshang, and clarity of purpose was a gift in itself, wasn’t it? It was important to know one’s ambitions clearly.

After his elevation to Chief Cultivator, the weights on the scale changed, and changed how certain decisions were made.

Xue Yang, for example, had been easier to handle when they were both under Jin Guangshang, but acted out wildly against most exercises of authority. He could be temporarily placated, Jin Guangyao discovered, when he thought he was destroying something fragile and exquisite. It took a month to convince Xue Yang that Jin Guangyao was terrified of his attraction to men. This game was intricate, but quite pleasing in itself. Xue Yang would withhold his cooperation in return for transgressing each and every boundary Jin Guangyao put up and then tremblingly yielded. Jin Guangyao had never had a man murdered in exchange for allowing someone to kneel down and suck him with their mouth, insisting that he finish on their face. It was intoxicating, and the challenge of keeping up the pretense of self-loathing and terror only made the game richer.

Of course, Xue Yang was too impulsive to really keep the game going forever. Eventually, he yielded to his hunger for Jin Guangyao’s suffering, and told him that he didn’t want the Chief Cultivator at all, only loved to see him hate himself. At that point, the game turned around. At that point, something in Jin Guangyao really did feel something tender toward Xue Yang.

He laughed. “Sweet Changmei, did you really think you were my first? But I did enjoy your seduction, it was very pretty.” Xue Yang’s eyes went dark.

After that, Xue Yang required a different sort of management. He loved to be mastered, but he would fight it every time. Jin Guangyao had to approach every encounter with a plan, a series of flanking maneuvers and withdrawals, traps and false feints. The best time was when he drugged Xue Yang and let him come to consciousness with Jin Guangyao already inside him. Xue Yang had howled like a beast and come faster than any other time. Thereafter, he ate and drank any food or drink Jin Guangyao gave him like a dare, and Jin Guangyao forced himself to use the method sparingly to maintain the blistering shock of betrayal Xue Yang yielded to him on waking.

Xue Yang was a lot of work, though he yielded results no one else could give.

Jin Guangyao did seduce Nie Huaisang, or perhaps Huaisang seduced him. Huaisang was so sweet and sad after his brother’s death, (not like Xichen’s grief. Xichen) and Jin Guangyao wasn’t entirely certain if Huaisang thought Jin Guangyao’s involvement with his brother had been deeper than it had been in fact, if he was pursuing something of his brother’s memory when he kissed Jin Guangyao. At first, it had seemed worth having the young leader of the Nie Sect entirely devoted to him, but Huaisang was so sweet and tender with him that it made him uncomfortable, and it turned out that it really wasn’t necessary to lie in bed with him in the mornings while Huaisang smiled up at him so sincerely. The Nie sect leader was fairly biddable without any of that frippery, so Jin Guangyao manufactured a guilty conscience and broke off with him, saying it had been a moment of weakness brought on by Rusong’s death.

Perhaps there was even some truth, there.

Sect leader Jiang was much simpler. There wasn’t much advantage to be had, in truth, except that Jiang Wanyin was slightly easier to manage in meetings if they met somewhere private beforehand. Sandu Shengshou didn’t want sweet words, and they could quickly straighten their robes and separate afterward without speaking about anything except, perhaps, their nephew’s studies or upcoming birthdays. Considering the slight exertion on his part, the reward was entirely worth it.

Jin Guangyao never touched Zewu-jun apart from what was proper. A thousand times, Lan Xichen told him with looks and smiles and sighs that Jin Guangyao was desired, but what could he have from Zewu-jun by embracing him that he didn’t already have for the asking?

(Xichen)

(His mother, watching benevolently over them both)

(At the end, when he left a smear of blood by Xichen’s mouth, it was (like) a kiss)